It makes me feel terribly sad to hear of Paul Walker's death. I didn't follow him closely, did not watch the series he was in but for some reason, I have been crying like a baby ever since reading the headline. I guess when I saw the headline "killed in fiery crash" it immediately took me back to my father's death years ago. The headline in the newspaper that I still have read "chief dies in fiery crash". My father was just 36 years old.
I was ten years old when my mother called me into the kitchen. A lot of people were there that day sitting around our large table that was reminiscent of one gigantic mirror. "Sweetheart, there has been an accident, your dad won't be coming to pick you up this weekend". He loved you so much she said. My friends come over to play Barbies with me after. I think my mom just wanted to allow me to remain a child through all the turmoil. She explained to us the best way she could. She was in shock as well and so very young to have to tell her three daughters that their father was gone. My parents were divorced. I would go with my sisters and spend the weekends at his home. My dad was a "manly man". Lots of toys, cars, four-wheelers, boats. He loved Corvettes and always had more than one. I remember him being very handsome, very tall, always having facial hair and extremely intimidating in a good way. He was strong and powerful. I also remember little things. I remember my sister and him going out one year at christmas time and buying my other sister, half brother and I bed slippers that looked like animals. I remember he preferred all of his drinks to have ice, even OJ and milk. My dad was no vegan but I have a feeling had he lived to see my creations he may have liked them. I remember he tried really hard to please his mother as she too had a very strong personality. I remember one of my siblings that was closest to him writing the most beautiful words down in a photo journal she kept in her closet for the longest time. I remember my mom going in to read those words often and crying when my sister wasn't home. Those words she wrote were lovely. My sister had a bond with my father that was Unlike any bond I've ever seen between a father and a daughter. It was beautiful.
I'm not sure why I never really grieved. I guess because I was ten years old and didn't really have a good understanding of what was going on. I always thought maybe he would come back. I had my mom and have always been so grateful for her. I've always prayed that God would keep her with us for eternity. She became our rock and still is today.
I'm really not sure why I'm writing this. I guess I'm feeling and thinking about things I've never thought of before. I'm missing my family tonight. I guess I want to honor my father in some way since I never got to while he was alive
Thank you daddy for bringing us all into this World, for creating such strong beautiful girls, and for picking such an amazing woman in my mother to start a family with. You made good decisions and I know you are looking down on us feeling proud I love you.
I love you daddy
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