7 tips for setting healthy boundaries to end codependent relationships

Do you ever feel like you may be in a karmic relationship, friendship, or environment?

Having the astrological placements I do, this has always been a bit of an issue for me. I have Pisces exulted in Venus. This placement can cause both men and women to form a toxic obsession with me that simply does not exist. Sound narcissistic? It's not! Our astrological placements have a lot to do with other peoples's perception of us. Many times even a kind gesture or, helping a friend out may be construed in an unhealthy way.

About two months ago as my sweet rescue dog Roger’s condition worsened, I decided to take a hiatus from interacting so much on my cell phone and disengaged from private social media messages completely. Outside of my work I wanted to be fully focused on Roger’s care and my own mental health.
 
As I distanced myself to spend more time with Rodger in nature those dearest to me knew to be kind enough to check in on me via text message without requiring a lot of interaction from me in return. These are the people I became closer to during this time of turmoil.
 
I am the type of person who gives my all to my friendships and relationships as long as it is a relationship built upon reciprocity. In this case, I was faced with a very needy individual who has always been self focused and needed to be cut out of my life entirely. 
 
Never in my wildest dreams did I feel that someone would not be able to emotionally deal with me distancing my energy. Unfortunately, as one person became needier and needier day by day. I became more distant. 
 
How to end codependent relationships

What Is A Healthy Boundary?

Healthy grounded spiritual boundaries are your own invisible force field and you are in charge of protecting them. Spiritual boundaries include physical boundaries, as well as, emotional boundaries. Physical boundaries include your body, personal space, and privacy. Violations include standing too close, inappropriate touching, even looking through your personal files or your phone. 
 
When one sets emotional boundaries things take an entirely different turn. Setting emotional boundaries involves the complete separation of feelings from another’s. Violations of this type of boundary include taking responsibility for another’s feelings, letting another’s feelings dictate your own, sacrificing your own needs to please another, blaming others for your problems, and accepting responsibility for theirs. Strong spiritual boundaries in the form of physical and emotional boundary setting are vital for your emotional well-being. 
 
 

What are the spiritual benefits of setting healthy boundaries?

Part of being a high vibrational person involves making sure that your physical, personal, and online boundaries are not crossed. Healthy boundaries protect our self-esteem, our personal private time, our precious time that we set aside for our family, friends and pets and our work environment. Extreme cases of needing to set boundaries (I have also needed to do this) protects your intellectual property such as your written work, ideas, photos and name. 

Does setting healthy boundaries raise your vibration?

A lack of boundaries opens the door for others to determine your thoughts, feelings, and needs. Defining your personal boundaries is a process of determining what behavior you will accept from others and what you will not.
 
Setting healthy boundaries absolutely raises your vibration by eliminating toxic friendships, work partnerships, and relationships and replacing them with an increase of self-esteem, creating healthier boundaries, and by reducing stress anxiety, and depression. 
 
I have worked extremely hard to end codependent relationships in my life. This includes friendships partnerships and personal relationships. This has helped me tremendously in raising my vibration, along with these tips I share here.
 
Seeing as it is mental health awareness month I would like to share a few things that many of you may not want to hear but that I feel are truthful and honest.
 
Examples of healthy boundary setting
 
Remember all boundaries are not created equally! Some great examples of personal boundaries might be:
  • I’m cool with following each other on social media, but not with sharing passwords
  • I’m comfortable kissing and holding hands, but never in a public environment or, in front of family members
  • I’m okay with regularly texting or messaging on social media, but I don’t want to text multiple times in an hour
  • I want to spend time with my friends/family on weekends and will be shutting my phone off on weekends
  • I need quiet time to myself every day
  • I’m comfortable with some touching, but I’m not ready to have sex
  • I need you to stop whining and holding a grudge when I don't return your call or message, we are not married or, in a relationship and it makes me feel very uncomfortable.
  • I feel that you have used or stolen several of my ideas and written (copy written words) for your business but have never approached me and asked for permission nor have you given me any public recognition for my ideas that you have employed in your business and need to legally set healthy boundaries in this situation
  • I think you are lying to me and involved with or trying to get to know other people romantically and want to let you know I am ending our romantic relationship
  • I feel that you are stalking my social media accounts and leaving cruel comments using fake accounts and I have reported you
  • I have been told you speak poorly about me to co-workers and will be disengaging from you completely 
  • I do not feel I am being recognized for my efforts in this company and therefore I will be taking myself elsewhere or am going to request to be moved to a different department
  • I think you are overreacting and displaying childish behavior because I have had a lot going on and started drama in a work setting and therefore I am detaching my energy from you

Let's face it! Under the current state and federal mandates of restrictions, it has become difficult to enjoy life and travel like we did in the past. Many friends and family members we used to see face to face, we now only see online. People have suffered emotionally and therefore the lack of community has caused many to suffer within the realms of mental health. 

However, all things must pass, and as the travel industry opens up and governments relax restrictions, you will soon be able to travel and visit with friends and family again. We have had a long time for reflection and what has become obvious is that the way of work and live has changed (for the better) forever. We have gone from tight office spaces to having the freedom and joy to work from home. Working from home, working while you travel, and working from anywhere is the new normal. 

Having always worked from home I absolutely love working from home and always have. Nothings really changed for me on that aspect. However I have witnessed many people I love slipping mentally due to the restrictions.

Important tips to remember when you are new at setting healthy boundaries and ending codependent relationships.

1. You never know what someone else is going through.

If someone needs time and space, barraging them with messages and E-mails without even inquiring if there is something wrong is selfish. It sends a direct message to the other person that "you feel life revolves around you and that you are taking another’s need for personal space personally".

2. You Only Owe Yourself!

You are never under any obligation to be acquainted with someone or speak to someone who brings stress to your doorstep. You are never required to reply to or engage with someone who is throwing drama your way.

3. Other people's rise or fall from grace is not your problem!

If someone in your life is dishing out criticism but cannot take criticism themselves it is perfectly OK to walk away.
Other people's insecurities are not yours to deal with. Other people's fall from grace or fail to rise up is not your vegan cake to frost. Once you let go of other people's projections of jealousy and failure due to their own inaction or projections, you will be free!

4. Ignore gossip and mindless chatter!

When others speak poorly of you behind your back, pay it no mind. It is a direct reflection of how they see themselves. What other people think and speak about you is none of your business. You are a light-filled being, darkness cannot shine a light into a dark room, only light can do this. Be the light you wish to see in others.

If you build it, they will come! Start building, designing and creating your life NOW! When it comes to the online world, focus on yourself and yourself alone. I never look at what others are doing on social media. That only slows me down. Not even my so called competition. The only time I have ever glanced at someones work other than my own is when I was alerted to plagiaristic activity (someone using my words as their own) and when someone had tagged me in a horrific post. 

Bottom line, if you have the time to see what others are doing, you aren’t working hard enough!

5. Have no regrets and harbor no resentment!

Harbor zero resentment against anyone. Holding onto sadness or anger will only cause disease in the body.
Cancer and other degenerative diseases thrive in an acid environment. Drama, stress, and anxiety cause acid in the body.

6. Listen to your inner voice!

I have learned over time to listen to my inner voice and to voice my opinion rather than stay silent or to go with the crowd. I have also learned to speak the truth instead of saying what someone wants to hear. Let's face it, sometimes you are going to say things that people don't want to hear. Speak anyway. Never silence your voice to your inner knowing and truth. To cushion someones fall is not always the best way to teach.

7. Codependency and karmic hold the same meaning

If you've ever seen the devil card in the tarot you know that it has two people chained together at the devil's feet. The devil card represents anything unhealthy and addictive. When someone feels they must speak to you. When they throw fits, get angry and blame you for desiring space, when they are reliant upon you for money, intimacy, conversation, or anything they feel they "need", this is not of God. It is 100% karmic.
 

The most valuable lesson I have learned while setting healthy boundaries and putting an end to codependent relationships...

It no longer serves me to build people up who tear me down. It no longer serves me to be overly nice, overly funny, or overly complementing to people who harbor jealousy, personal insecurities, and resentment in my direction.

As I observe situations from an above perspective I have witnessed the neediness, the codependency, and the sheer obsession of another turn into anger resentment, and hatred towards me. Plain and simply I now choose not to respond or reply after speaking my peace. I have learned to feel energy from this people even at great distance. Whenever I feel lied to, manipulated, "worked on", or disrespected, I take the necessary measures to safeguard my energetic auric field of energetic frequency. 
 
Rodger's final days and the gift he left me of ending toxic codependent friendships.

Throughout Roger’s illness, I kept a strong face on social media because it is part of my business and I believe in keeping the two separate. His illness has been the most difficult experience I have ever dealt with. I dealt with my sweet rescue dog's cancer with grace as my heart continues to bleed for him today.

Distancing myself from drama over the past nine months has been the most poetic state of existence I have ever experienced in my life.
 
After all, one cannot be a healer while living in a state of sheer co-dependency. One cannot be addicted to the reliance on others opinions, approvals, and input while doing good work on this earth.
 
Creativity thrives in a state of peace, not chaos. Unfortunately the truth is many people will try to disrupt your peace when they see you are thriving. Learn to rise above and protect yourself, your business, and your home.
 
I'm enjoying these lessons as they cross my path, I hope you remember to enjoy the journey too.
 

Below is a tribute to my sweet rescue dog Rodger who was laid to rest at 4:44am 

Rest in peace my beautiful sweet Rodger boy. You were the sweetest dog I have ever known. From the moment I met you I knew you were from a past life. Your original parents threw you in the trash because you had a tumor but mommy scooped you up and made you feel loved again.
 
I will honor you every day for the rest of my life. Your endless tail wagging even as you were dying was the most heartwarming sentiment. As you slipped away I asked you to give me signs that you were with me still. I asked for rainbows. I asked for bright streams of sunshine. I asked for flowers and I asked for hummingbirds.
 
The moment I left your side and got into my car I was literally blinded by the sun rising. This morning when I made my morning drink, your little pill was stuck to my mug. Louis is still looking around the house for you so if you could, please remind him that you’re still with us in spirit form. 
 
You will always be my soulmate, my best friend, and the catalyst for ending toxic karmic ties in my life over and over again. You cracked my heart wide open. You never allowed mommy to cry. You always threw yourself across my lap and licked my face at the first sign of any tear. 
 
I will love you always and forever
Love mommy
 
setting healthy boundaries
A few photos of my sweet dog Rodger who passed away in May 2021. Caring for this sweet dog gave me the strength to set healthy boundaries and end any and all co-dependent friendships and relationships for good.