There comes a moment in healing when you stop carrying what happened to you and start recognizing who it turned you into. 🩷
I know that moment because I’m living it.
I’m releasing years of trauma from stalking and harassment—and reclaiming every piece of myself that survived it.
For a long time, healing can feel like you’re constantly looking backward.
What happened?
Why did it happen?
Why did someone do that?
How could they?
What could I have done differently?
But eventually, if we allow ourselves to heal deeply enough, the questions begin to change.
Who am I now?
What did I learn?
What did I gain?
What am I finally ready to put down?
And perhaps most importantly:
What am I ready to receive now that my hands are no longer full of what hurt me?
That last question has become incredibly important to me.
Because something beautiful has been happening.
As I’ve been releasing, I’ve also been receiving.
And I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
There Comes a Point When the Lesson Has Been Delivered
I am profoundly grateful that my tribe—from Carlsbad to the desert, and even a few beautiful souls in Tennessee and Texas—has formed such an extraordinary circle of love and protection around me that it is impossible not to feel it.
Recently, during a Zoom call with 12 loving souls, one looked directly at me and said:
“I dare anyone to try to interfere with the healing you are undertaking. There comes a point when the lessons have been delivered, the boundaries have been made clear, and the only path forward is to let go.”
Then she said something else:
“Look at everything you’ve gained. You gained wisdom. You gained discernment. You gained strength. You gained teachings you are now prospering from. And through all of it, you haven’t lost a single person you love.”
That hit powerfully in my core.
Because she was right.
There comes a point when continuing to carry the wound isn’t protecting you anymore.
It’s simply making you carry something that has already taught you what it came to teach.
Healing Doesn’t Mean Pretending It Never Happened
Letting go is sometimes misunderstood.
It doesn’t mean saying something was acceptable when it wasn’t.
It doesn’t require forgetting.
It doesn’t mean abandoning boundaries.
And it certainly doesn’t require giving someone renewed access to you.
Sometimes letting go simply means:
I am no longer allowing what happened yesterday to dictate how much peace I’m permitted to experience today.
That’s very different.
What Trauma Taught Me About My Own Power
I hold an incredible amount of power within me.
And I feel profoundly, divinely protected.
I walk with Jesus.
My ancestors cover me.
The people who truly love me surround me.
And God continues to remove what was never meant to walk beside me.
But here’s what I’ve realized:
This fortress wasn’t built from retaliation.
It was built from purity.
Love.
Prayer.
Faith.
Truth.
Integrity.
Not chaos.
Not rage baiting.
Not envy.
Not jealousy.
And certainly not revenge.
You Don’t Have to Become What Hurt You
One of the most dangerous things pain can do is convince us that we need to become harder, crueler or more reactive in order to protect ourselves.
I don’t believe that’s strength.
There is another kind of power available to us.
The power to remain who we are while developing stronger boundaries around who receives access to us.
You can remain loving without remaining accessible to everyone.
You can forgive without reopening a door.
You can have compassion from a distance.
You can pray for someone without participating in their dysfunction.
And you can heal without retaliating.
A Boundary Doesn’t Need Anger to Be a Boundary
One of the greatest things I’ve learned is that boundaries become stronger when they no longer require an emotional performance.
Sometimes the most powerful boundary is simply:
No.
No lengthy explanation.
No argument.
No campaign to convince everyone that you’re right.
Just clarity.
My Job Is to Heal—God Can Handle the Rest
I no longer need to fight what tried to disturb my peace.
My job is to heal and heal others.
God can handle the rest.
That realization has released something enormous inside me.
Because when you’re constantly watching what someone else is doing, you’re still energetically organizing part of your life around them.
I don’t want to do that anymore.
I would rather organize my life around what I’m building.
What I’m creating.
Who I’m helping.
Who I’m loving.
Where I’m going.
And the woman I’m becoming.
I Pity My Enemies—Because I Found Something They Couldn’t Take
I pity my enemies.
Not because I believe I’m above anyone.
But because while they were watching me, I was becoming everything they could never take from me.
I was healing.
Growing.
Learning.
Creating.
Deepening my faith.
Developing discernment.
Building stronger boundaries.
And transforming into the woman I always dreamed of being.
That is the victory.
I healed.
I grew.
And I found my way back to myself. 🩷✨
7 Things That Helped Me Reclaim Myself
Healing is deeply individual, and professional support can be invaluable when trauma is significantly affecting daily life. But there are also practices that have helped me personally move from constantly processing the past toward consciously creating my future.
1. Stop Requiring Closure From the Person Who Hurt You
Sometimes the closure is recognizing that their behavior was the answer.
Waiting for someone else to provide the perfect apology, explanation or acknowledgment can keep your peace dependent upon them.
Give yourself permission to move forward without receiving the ending you imagined.
2. Strengthen Your Boundaries Without Hardening Your Heart
A soft heart and strong boundaries can coexist.
I’ve learned this one deeply.
The goal isn’t becoming emotionally unavailable.
The goal is becoming discerning about access.
3. Let Safe People Witness Your Healing
Healing doesn’t always need to happen alone.
My circle has reminded me how powerful it is to have people around you who don’t feed your fear—they remind you of your strength.
4. Stop Monitoring What You’re Trying to Release
You cannot fully walk forward while constantly looking backward.
Sometimes healing requires removing access, muting, blocking, disengaging and deciding that you simply don’t need to know anymore.
5. Return to Your Body
Walk.
Stretch.
Breathe.
Spend time outside.
Sit in the sun.
Move your body in ways that feel supportive.
Eat nourishing foods.
Rest.
Healing isn’t exclusively an intellectual process.
6. Create Something From What You Learned
Pain doesn’t need to become your identity.
But the wisdom you extracted from it can become part of your purpose.
Some of my greatest teachings were born from seasons I never would have voluntarily chosen.
7. Practice Receiving
This one deserves its own section.
Because I didn’t realize how important it was until recently.
What Happens When You Stop Surviving and Start Receiving?
Over the past week, I’ve been reminded that what’s meant for you doesn’t always have to be chased. ✨🙏
This week was filled with moments that felt like unmistakable grace.
And after years when I sometimes felt like I was constantly protecting, rebuilding, navigating or overcoming something, receiving without struggle has felt almost revolutionary.
My Dream Car Appeared
Months ago, I set an alert for my dream car.
I didn’t obsess over it every day.
I didn’t force it.
I simply knew what I wanted and stayed open.
Then it appeared.
And when it did, it was listed for less than half of its original price.
🚘✨
It felt like life quietly whispering:
“This was always on its way.”
An Unexpected Connection Came Through Self-Care
My annual laser treatment ended up being nearly $2,000 less than usual.
But what stayed with me even more wasn’t the savings.
I walked away feeling as though I’d made a genuine connection with the physician who treated me.
She’s an entrepreneurial Capricorn, and I have a feeling our paths were meant to cross.
Maybe it becomes something.
Maybe it doesn’t.
I’ve learned that not every meaningful encounter needs to be immediately defined.
Sometimes people enter your path simply to remind you that new energy still exists.
New Clients Arrived From Places I Never Expected
Then came another unexpected blessing.
New female clients began arriving through places I never could have anticipated.
Another reminder:
The right doors have a way of opening at exactly the right time.
Not everything requires pushing.
Not everything requires chasing.
Not everything requires proving.
Sometimes preparation meets opportunity quietly.
Healing Also Looks Like Slow Mornings
While healing, I’ve taken slow mornings surrounded by the desert and its wildlife. 🌵
Those quiet moments have reminded me that restoration isn’t only found in enormous breakthroughs.
It’s also found in stillness.
Gratitude.
Nature.
Prayer.
A quiet cup of something warm.
Watching an animal cross the desert.
Putting your phone down.
Taking a full breath.
Allowing yourself to receive.
🕊
For someone accustomed to doing, achieving, fixing and creating, stillness itself can become a spiritual practice.
5 Ways to Practice Receiving After a Difficult Season
If you’ve spent a long time in survival mode, receiving can initially feel unfamiliar.
Here are five practices I’ve been embracing:
1. Stop Automatically Looking for the Catch
Something beautiful can happen without something terrible following it.
Allow a good moment to simply be good.
2. Say Thank You Before You Minimize the Blessing
When someone compliments you, try not to immediately deflect.
When someone helps you, receive it.
When something works out, celebrate it.
Receiving is not entitlement. Gratitude and receiving belong together.
3. Leave Space in Your Life
An overscheduled life leaves very little room for serendipity.
Sometimes we need white space.
4. Notice What Arrives Without Force
This doesn’t mean becoming passive.
I believe in working hard.
But pay attention to the opportunities, relationships and ideas that seem to arrive with unusual ease.
You don’t have to assign supernatural meaning to every coincidence to appreciate when life seems to flow.
5. Ask Yourself a Different Question
Instead of constantly asking:
“What problem do I need to solve next?”
Try asking:
“What goodness am I overlooking because I’ve become accustomed to looking for problems?”
That question can change a day.
God’s Timing Has Been Better Than Mine
This week reminded me again that God’s timing is often better than my own.
I feel deeply grateful for His provision.
For the people placed in my path.
For protection I didn’t always recognize while it was happening.
For doors that closed.
For doors that opened.
And for blessings I never could have orchestrated myself. 🤍
Sometimes what feels like rejection is redirection.
Sometimes the thing that didn’t happen was protection.
And sometimes what we desperately wanted yesterday would interfere with what is arriving tomorrow.
I don’t pretend to understand God’s timing perfectly.
I simply trust it more than I used to.
Healing Isn’t Only About What You Release
This may be the greatest lesson of all.
We talk constantly about releasing.
Release the trauma.
Release the relationship.
Release resentment.
Release the past.
Release fear.
Release control.
And yes—release matters.
But eventually another question appears:
What Are You Making Room For?
Peace?
Love?
Health?
Friendship?
Abundance?
Purpose?
Creativity?
Rest?
A new home?
A new chapter?
A version of yourself who doesn’t wake up every morning preparing for another battle?
Because healing cannot only be about emptying yourself.
Eventually, you have to allow life to fill you again.
From Protection to Provision
These two experiences—the release and the receiving—may look like separate stories.
They’re not.
They are two halves of the same healing process.
Protection taught me boundaries.
Provision taught me trust.
Protection taught me what I would no longer accept.
Provision reminded me what I am capable of receiving.
Protection taught me discernment.
Provision taught me gratitude.
Protection helped me close doors.
Provision showed me that other doors were already opening.
That’s the bridge between these two chapters of my life.
Watch: Releasing the Past and Reclaiming Myself
There are parts of healing that are easier to communicate when you can hear someone’s voice and feel the emotion behind the words.
In this video, I share more of this chapter and what releasing years of accumulated pain has looked like for me.
Watch Andrea's healing video on Instagram
Watch: Learning to Receive the Blessings
And this is the other half of the story.
After releasing comes receiving.
This video shares some of the unexpected blessings that reminded me I don’t need to force everything that is meant to find me.
Watch Andrea's blessings and gratitude video on Instagram
A Final Message for Anyone Who Is Healing
If you’re in a season where it feels like you’re losing pieces of your old life, I want you to consider another possibility.
Maybe you’re not losing yourself.
Maybe you’re finally meeting yourself without everything you were carrying.
You don’t have to drag every painful chapter into the next one simply because it helped write your story.
Take the wisdom.
Take the discernment.
Take the strength.
Take the lesson.
Take the deeper relationship with yourself.
And leave behind what no longer needs to travel with you.
I am profoundly grateful for the people who have stood beside me.
I’m grateful for my faith.
I’m grateful for the desert.
I’m grateful for every unexpected blessing.
And strangely enough, I’m even grateful for some of the lessons I once wished I’d never had to learn.
Because I’m still here.
More discerning.
More peaceful.
More faithful.
And more myself than I’ve been in years.
May you recognize the doors that open without force.
May you recognize the protection you couldn’t always see.
May you recognize the people who genuinely love you.
And may you recognize the blessings arriving exactly when they’re meant to. ✨🙏
The victory isn’t that nothing ever hurt you.
The victory is that what hurt you didn’t get to decide who you became.
I healed.
I grew.
And I found my way back to myself. 🩷
— Andrea Cox
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you start letting go of trauma from the past?
Letting go doesn’t require denying what happened. It can begin with acknowledging the experience, establishing appropriate boundaries, reducing unnecessary exposure to reminders or ongoing conflict, seeking safe support and gradually redirecting attention toward the life you’re building now.
Can you forgive someone and still maintain boundaries?
Yes. Forgiveness, reconciliation and access are separate concepts. Someone can release resentment while still deciding that a relationship or behavior is no longer healthy for them.
Why can receiving feel uncomfortable after a difficult period?
When someone has spent significant time anticipating problems or protecting themselves, calm or positive experiences can feel unfamiliar. Practicing receiving gradually—accepting support, acknowledging good moments and allowing rest—can help make positive experiences feel more natural.
Does healing mean you stop thinking about what happened?
Not necessarily. Healing can instead change the relationship you have with the memory. Something may remain part of your story without remaining at the center of your present life.
How can faith support a healing journey?
For people of faith, prayer, spiritual community, meaning-making and trust in God can provide comfort and a framework for moving through difficult experiences. Spiritual support can also coexist with appropriate professional mental-health, medical or legal support when those are needed.